When I do get a night out I’ve learned to appreciate it,  I try my best to enjoy it and take in the presence of the people around me. Let’s face it, that last thing anyone wants to be doing when you get a night out is to stand in line the whole time while being treated like an asshole. More than usual I have found myself at the mercy of some cocky piece of shit bartender who is terrible at what they do. I’m beginning to think it’s becoming an epidemic. Portland nightlife used to be so cool, everyone was so chill. If I wanted to live in Boston I’d move there. What happened? Is the god complex, which is usually exclusive to the butt-chin bouncers, starting to wear off on our beloved mixologists?

Am I the only one noticing this trend for the worse?

The following is a note I wrote after a recent evening out gone bad.  Feel free to print the main paragraph it onto little cards to leave at bars that are manned by inept bartending staff: Be proactive… they need to know.

Trust me, this isn’t all negative. You know a good bartender when you see them right? I’m not talking useless Tom Cruise cup flipping bullshit. These wonderful people are pouring four drinks at once, taking orders, serving beverages all the while carrying on 12 different thoughtful conversations.  These people tend to be pretty easy to spot because there usually isn’t a line of 50 people deep blocking your view to them.  I know so many from right here in Portland and I love them all. I consider these people artists and they should be commended and tipped well.

Here’s four basic rules to being a great bartender from what I understand:

When someone walks up to the bar…
1.) Ask them what they want.
2.) Honor request.
3.) Take their money.
4.) Repeat as many times as necessary

Seems pretty simple to me.

To be fair, I myself have never actually bartended, I did however work in a very fast paced and busy restaurant for a few years as a waiter and there was really one rule after you get by the details.

Keep the customers happy, never leave them wanting.
(Unless they are blatant assholes – then make them wait a little longer…)

Seems to me this principal could soundly be applied to the field of drink slinging.

Here’s is a basic list of rules to follow if you want to be a piece of shit bartender that everyone hates and you don’t like making tip money.

1.)  Act like you are beyond awesome.
2.)  Treat everyone that approaches the bar like they are bothering you.
3.)  Ignore each new patron for at least 5 minutes then give them that, “What the fuck do you want?” look.
4.)  Pay no attention to what order people arrive at the bar, lines are stupid.
5.)  Do ONLY one thing at a time especially when very busy. Actually when it’s really busy go slower this way the amount of people at the bar builds up and they can bask in your awesomeness.
6.) If you have any friends, text them when the line gets too long and hard to deal with or just leave and go into the kitchen for awhile.

My point is that some people are just not cut out for this type of work and some are made for it. If you are one of the former or just hate working behind a bar please quit and get a desk job or something far away from us merry makers… or  lobby your boss to allow alcohol vending machines because we don’t want to deal with you either.

Lastly here’s a missed connection I felt compelled to post on Craigslist. It was inspired by a little gem of a barkeep, who made my last night off so delightful…

CHEERS!!!

Siddhartha: Herman Hesse

I have read this novel more times than any other I think.  Each read brings something new into my life.  No matter where I am in my degree of growth change there is always something to learn and apply.
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Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates: Tom Robbins

Tom Robbins puts more to think about in one sentence than most good writers can cram into a chapter.  This is by far one of the best books you will ever read.

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Demon Haunted World – Science is A Candle in the Dark: Carl Sagan and Ann Druyan

Basically short essays touching on most everything controversial and sublime about life.  Written by one of the few scientific geniuses of this world that could translate complicated ideas eloquently and simply enough so people like me can follow along.  Sagan is one the most thoughtful critical thinkers of the last 100 years, the world would be a better place if he was running it.

The Things they Carried: Tim O’Brien

The forward claims it’s fiction but I find that hard to believe.  It’s one mans account (told like a fiction story) of his Vietnam experience and how it tied into his life later. It’s been a while since I read this so I don’t remember all the details but I do remember not being able put it down till it was done.

Hearts in Atlantis: Stephen King

To stave of the boredom of a 45 minute bus ride everyday to and from junior high school I started reading Stephen King books.  I believe this habit started in the 6th grade.  Anyway, all these years later I have read everything he wrote before  2004 and a few that were published after and many of the books twice (The Stand, The Talisman, Bag of Bones, The Gunslingers, to name a few…).  Some reading snobs consider him kitsch and honestly, more times than not, I’m not into the content being that I’m not a horror fan, but his style of writing still amazes me.  Unlike many writers he consistently paints a vivid and interesting picture that makes you sink into the tale like it was a friendly, old couch.  Hearts in Atlantis is proof that he is one of the greatest writers alive.

I have also always loved the idea of “recording” my songs bare bones and live so it’s something that will come fairly effortless to me I think.  I will be doing this in tandem with recording cover songs.  Why? Because quite simply covers of popular artists garner lots of views and putting a link to my website under every video I upload is one of the easiest things to do. Also I love playing covers of the artists I know hundreds, sue me, it’s also a great way to practice.

Anyways be visiting back periodically as I’ll be uploading covers and originals wherever I’m feeling it.  Here’s the first original, No Show. More to come…. enjoy.

I grabbed his CD that night, Bittersweet Batch, and I still find myself playing it from time to time. To me a great record is one that I’m continuously drawn to spin through no conscience decision of my own. With all the amazing albums that come out ever year it’s surprising how little I actually get attached to something new, it takes a lot I think.  I’d even consider adding it to my small but growing vinyl collection if it’s even available in that old timey format.  It would have a home next to recent buys Ray LaMontagne Trouble, Dr. Dog Fate, and pretty much every Iron and Wine record.  Vinyl is final as they say.

http://www.myspace.com/jessedee

Seriously, take a few and check em out and if he’s playing your neighborhood, go.  If you’re disappointed I’ll buy you a beer or two and try to calmly explain why your opinion is wrong.

This here is a video clip from the show of a yet unreleased song, “Dreamed”.  Singing harmony is Amanda Gervasi.  I have been helping her with her debut record At Sixes and Sevens for over a year, be looking for it this July.

Amazing performance at Port City Music Hall in Portland, Maine. Even more blown away by these guys after seeing them live. Hear their music at www.drdogmusic.com